It has just been one of ‘those’ mornings this morning. I woke up feeling so exhausted, I’m also feeling dizzy and my joint pain is worse. I still got up early but I really struggled through my quiet time seeming to get nowhere. Then I discovered that the freezer had been slightly open all night so I had that to sort out and by 7am I was feeling rather frustrated and grumpy! 😳
So when I had a moment I sat down to read my Bible.
When I picked up my phone to use the Bible app that I like to use when I study and I saw a notification that Steven Hawkins had died. I feel so ashamed to admit it but my initial first response that I thought was ‘GOOD, he spent his life fighting against God’, which was then immediately followed by a ‘where did that come from?’ and such shame that that thought had even entered into my head!
The poor man spent his life denying God and striving to prove that didn’t exist and now he stands before his Maker. Just the thought brings tears to my eyes and makes me think of others who may even today meet the God they have denied.
Yet it is only by God’s grace that I am any different. As I prayed for forgiveness I opened my Bible randomly and my eyes fell on Matthew 7:1…
‘Judge not that ye be not judged’.
Immediately my frustration and grumpiness melted away and
I began to tell the Lord how much I would need Him to help me today, as I just know I can’t get through today alone.
It was then I knew what was really wrong. The last couple days I haven’t felt right with God, something was off and I knew there was something keeping me from that closer communion with Him but I didn’t know what but through what happened this morning the Lord showed me that it was this…I hadn’t been leaning on the Lord as much, I had been going on in my own strength.
How I needed that intense exhaustion that lupus brings to really hit me and then things to go wrong to show me just how helpless I really am and to make me see the problem.
I love how God works, He’s so good and kind and the hard things are always just what we need and what He lovingly used to bring us closer to Him. God knew I needed to be shown that ‘without me ye can do nothing.’
How quick I was to judge when I was already in a wrong spirit and don’t you find it so too? The moment we allow a wrong spirit to creep in things soon start to go wrong but when we centre our hearts on Jesus, even if our circumstances don’t change there is joy and peace!
May we each be helped today to pray for those who Steven Hawkins views have affected and that God in His mercy will open their eyes to the truth before it is too late.
And may we each, by God’s grace be found leaning hard upon Him today.